Just Shoot Me. Please.
Ky says I obsess. I do about somethings. He says I obsess over Agatha. And I do. Ky and Agatha are the only 2 people in the world I have left to care about. My friendship with Ky has been for so long, and we have shared so many personal problems and stuff, that he is a bit more of my heart than she is. But still, 40% of your heart is alot. What do you do when 40% of the people you care about suddenly without explanation won't talk to you?
Yesterday, Ky walks into my room and says, "Did you put in your 2 weeks notice?". I said yes. I feel that all the problems (the ones I know of anyway) all started when I started working at Sidtek. I felt at the time that I should not have taken that job, but I needed a job. Bad. So Ky says "Dude, light a cigarette and take 3 big drags". I thought to myself "oh, shit. My worst fears are coming true". I could see it coming. And he said "Agatha doesn't want to even speak with you again". I didn't know what to think or feel. I was flipping back and forth and around with different emotions. I felt enraged "What the hell did I do to deserve that?". I felt depressed "now I have even less to care about in my life". I felt sad "Does this mean I will never get to hear her laugh again?". I felt hurt "Does she have any idea how much pain I feel when I think of never being able to talk with her again?". I felt confused "What did I do to hurt her so badly? Does she hate me, or just not care and feel that she is getting rid of a problem? Did she ever care?". My emotions have settled down some now. Now I just feel hurt and lost and depressed and alone. I know I have Ky. I am certain that he will always be my friend, so long as I don't do anything that hurts him or his family. I believe that if I were causing problems Ky would shove his boot so far up my backside, I would be choking on steel-toe for a month. He and I both know that if one does things to hurt others, the other lets the one know.
And he did tell me. Back when it seemed Agatha was losing control of her life and giving up who she was I was terribly worried about her. She's roughly 40% of my heart, and I was worried she was allowing others to take control of her. The will is the voice of the spirit. To lose the will, is to suffocate the spirit, and it will eventually die. And Agatha wasn't talking to me about the changes in her. But I'm not a complete fool. I know I sometimes misenterpret things, sometimes over react, and sometimes blow things out of proportion. I was worried about Agatha losing her spirit. Losing who she was and who she wanted to be. But I knew I can't trust my own perceptions simply because I care about her so much, and there is a lot about her I don't know or understand.
Enter a personal problem of mine. My family is weird. There is no other word for it. We are very liberal in our speach, and our conversation subjects. I'm still learning to censor what I say or ask, but I think I'm starting to make progress. Part of my problem is when people are offended but don't tell me. I accidentally made both Agatha and her boyfriend James angry with me from my questions. When Agatha told me this, I apologized to James the next day, and promised him I would not talk about anything personal again. I am trying. Truly, I am. Then you have the other problem I get from my up-bringing. In my family, problems don't go away, they just get worse. So it has been my life-long training to deal with problems as quickly as possible so things don't get too bad. Apparently, the rest of the world is not the same way. When I thought Agatha was having problems (which she told me later that she wasn't and that everything was under control *sigh of relief*) I was worried about her, and wanted to help her. Oops. There was no problem for me to help with. So, I think there's a problem, but I don't see anyone trying to fix it. So what do I do? I butt my damned nose in where it doesn't belong. I've spent my whole life trying to help others with their problems, and usually, I'm quite successful. Agatha is a lot more complicated. Ky told me. He told me "Just give her time. Leave her alone. Stay out of it.".
So, I was worried, it seemed to me there were problems, it looked like no one else was trying to do anything about those problems, and no one was giving me any information that would settle my nerves. I was so worried and confused that I lost my appetite, was having problems with my gastritus (prelude to an ulcer), and couldn't ignore what I was seeing. What do you do when you think the roof is caving in? You try to warn everyone inside. I knew my perceptions couldn't be trusted because of how much I care and how ignorant I am in some things. So I asked Ky. I spelled out everything I thought I was seeing about the changes in her, my worries, everything. And then he said said that yes, there is a problem, she may not be in control, and since we care about her, we may have to say or do something about it. That did not settle my nerves any at all.
So I tried to be smart. Again, oops. I figured that the only way we could help Agatha with this "problem" was to find out exactly what the problem was, and what was causing it. Logical, roght? Logic is a tool, not an absolute. Logic can be used to explain why the sky should be plaid. It's not as great as most people think. So I decided to try to find out what was going on. Well, Agatha wasn't talking about it. There goes the best source. Then I tried to talk with James while I was on lunch. That was when I asked questions which offended him, but he's too much of a nice guy to tell me to go to hell, even when I literaly ask for him to do so. Ky doesn't know what's going on, he just knows there's a "problem". So who's left that I know, that knows her? My boss was a possibility, he talks with James all the time, and plays WoW with Agatha and James. Maybe he knows what's going on. Also, I feel that he is a good, smart, moral man. I feel I can trust him. But no matter how much I trust him, I will not drag him into this, or reveal anything that may cause problems. I had already told him that if there were some personal problem with me that got braught into the shop, that I would give my 2 weeks notice. So I tried to be sneaky. I couldn't use any type of psychology on him, because I think he is a friend to Agatha, and I swore to her I would not use any psychology on or with her, or anyone associated with her. My best tools are locked away. I told Agatha that I don't use psychology as a weapon, just a tool to help, but she said she didn't approve of it at all in any form, so I can't. Sidenote: I hadn't realized how true my words were until I tried to manipulate John to make an ass of himself and hopefully lose his job. He is an enemy to Agatha, so I figured that made him fair game. Then I found out that useing psychology to hurt someone is so far against my beliefs that I just couldn't do it. Even to him. End sidenote. Back to the boss. I asked my boss, Agatha's friend, if he had noticed her acting differently lately. He asked "howso?" and I said I was worried because she has seemed to be closed-off recently. He said he had not seen any difference. Tha was on a Monday almost 3 weeks ago. Last Monday, when Agatha, Ky and I were having dinner at KFC, she asked "Why is everyone thinking me and James are going to break up?". Kerwin said he had called her. Nice. I tried to be subtle and just find out what the "problem" was, and just made more of a problem. Me and my big friggin mouth.
But it doesn't end there. On Friday, just over a week ago, something happened that renewed my concern for Agatha. Unfortunately, I don't remeber what it was, there has been way too much going on lately to remeber it all. I'm having problems keeping track of what happened on what day, in which order. So my concern bright and flairing again, but Ky was at work, so I couldn't talk to him. He had warned me not to talk to his Dad, and I in hind-site, I think I should have listened. But I didn't. I was upset from all the worry and couldn't find a way to calm down. So I went and talk to their Dad. No one else was home but him, so I didn't have to worry about prying ears. So I talked with him about my worries and concerns. I told him everything I had been thinking and feeling. He also told me that she was acting differently. Then he told me I need to stop worrying about her, let her go, and take care of myself. I thought that was a rather cold-hearted thing to say, but it is rational. I was not very rational at the time. I told him I had been so happy when I came down here and learned that Agatha had found a man who was so good for her and that gave her the love she needed. Enter fears of Agatha psychology. She has always grown up with her father making her decisions for her and controling her. This will usually lead to a woman growing up to be vulnerable to control from others. And Agatha had told me during a hard time she and James were having that when they got into a fight and she wanted to walk away for awhile to cool down, he said "you walk out that door, don't ever come back". That is the perfect way to force Agatha to stay. And it is an exertion of control that Agatha allowed. Then recently I screwed up again. When the hurricane scare has going on, she told me she James said "I'm taking the trailer to Houston, and you're going with me". Then she told me she WANTED to tell him "Fuck you, I'm staying with my family". But she didn't say it to him, just wanted to. But I missed that part. I thought she actually said it. Then the next day at work, James tells me "We're going to San Angelo during the hurricane". I said "I thought Agatha was staying with her family". Which is true, That is what I thought. He said "She didn't say anything to me about it". Okay, confused me, now. So with her father always trying to control her, her telling me about James forcing her to stay in the trailer instead of going out to cool down, and then this mistake of mine, I was afraid for her. I was afraid that she was losing control. And I told her Father this. Also, in a burst of emotion, I said "If James is taking away her control and crushing her spirit, I'll kill him! I even know a good way to dispose of the body! Put him in a bathtub full of bleach, and after he is liquified, wash him down the drain!". That's how upset I was. Then her Father doesn't make things any better by saying "She made her bed, now it's time for her to sleep in it". But my fear was that she didn't realize what was happeneing. If she knowingly decided to give up control of her life to James, then that is perfectly fine by me. It would be her DECISION to do so. I was afraid that she didn't know. And her Father told me about how she had mentioned to him about James' comments and jokes about inviting another woman to bed with them. He said he told her "And?", and she said "That would be a relationship breaker". Okay, so she is atleast somewhat in control. Okay, I feel better.
Then several days later, I was talking with Agatha on the phone and I told her it looked to us as though she was losing control in her life. She told me "Bullshit! I'm sorry, but I have to call you on that one!". And the sun shines again. After that talk I felt so good I finally got around to cleaning and rearranging my room. Mostly. Then after I think everything I all well and good, I turned on my computer and it auto-logged me into AIM, and I saw Agatha was on AIM. I knew she was at work, but sometimes it's real slow there, and she doesn't have anything to do. So I sent her a "hello". No reply. Ok, I figure she's busy. I hate leaving a hello, and then logging off, so I wait. Half an hour later, I think "If she's busy elsewhere, then it should have told me she has gone idle like it always does". But it didn't. This tells me that she is using the computer, but not answering me. Yes, I'm THAT stupid. It never occured to me that maybe someone ELSE was using that computer, and just didn't shut down AIM. I was thinking she was at work, and it's a work computer, so she is the only one that uses it while she's there. Again, yes, I'm THAT stupid. So I sent an IM saying "Are you busy or mad, and ignoring me?". I had been making her angry with me over the last couple weeks, so it was a possibility. Then she logs off without a word to me. So I sent her an e-mail saying "Were you busy, or just angry and ignoring me?". No sooner than I close Firefox (my webbrowser) then she logs back onto AIM. Now 50 minutes have gone by, and I think I have been pretty patient. I send her another "hello". She says "hi" and I ask her if she's mad at me. She says mildly to moderately. Okay, what did I do this time? She says "did you send John to my trailer to cause drama at lunch time?". She's already angry so I give the simplest straight answer possible. "No, I didn't". She asks "Did you tell John I needed to talk to him?". I reply "No". She says "great". I got the impression that she wasn't sure if she could trust me, and that hurt. The thought that she would accept an accusation from a known enemy over me hurt a lot. She then said "I don't want to talk to you right now". That hurt even more. She didn't say "I don't feel like talking right now", she said "to you". So I said "Okay" and logged off. I haven't been able to speak to her since.
In my first day on WoW, a little while after I saw that James and Agatha had come online, I sent them each a /Tell to let them know my game-name. James and I talked a bit, but Agatha was AFK. And then the next day, I sent her a /tell and it said she was ignoring me. Ouch. I don't know about WoW, but in StarWars Galaxies, you only put enemies on your ignore list. *Knife in chest twists*. I sent her a game mail to ask what I did, I sent her a E-mail asking what I did and explaining everything that I could think of that may have been the reasons. This is day 5. It was on day 4 that Ky told me she didn't ever want to speak to me again.
Did I do some horrible thing that hurt her deeply? Did I say something that made her feel she could not trust me anymore? Does she hate me, or just not care about me anymore? Is it all the little things piling up? what is it? what happened? what did I do or say? I don't know, and she won't talk to me. This could possibly (hopefully) be all just a misunderstanding, but if she won't talk to me, then how can we resolve this? I don't want to lose her. She and Ky are all I have left. I saked Ky after he had told me "Is it normal to feel so hollow?". He said "Yes". I don't want to be a problem to her, but I also don't want to lose her. Ky is a great friend, I couldn't ask for better, but he is always dark and somber. Even his humour is dark. The only times he truly brightens up are when he's around her. I love the sunshine she brings to others. I miss her laugh and her giggle. I miss being able to have nice intellectual conversations with her. I just want to have fun with the people I care about. it used to be so great when Ky, Agatha, James, Jessica, and I would all go out to play pool and hang out. It was fun just to hang out with them all. It seems Jessica has dropped out of the picture, which is a shame, because she seems like such a nice person. But still, James, Agatha, Ky and I were all hanging out, spending no money, just having fun at their trailer. Then their A/C started having problems, and it seems like one thing after another is trying to tear the group apart. I just want everyone to get along and for everyone to be able to have a relaxed good time and enjoy themselves. but now with all the crap that has gone on recently, I am now booted out. And Ky has no motivation to do anything of his own accord. He loves spending time with Agagtha, but never initiates anything. He waits for her to, and she is always afraid of waking him or bothering him because their schedules are so different. I don't want them to lose each other. I have been trying to arrange activities for everyone to do together, but it seems the Fates are against it.
After Ky told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore, I told him everything I could think of that may have been the problem. I keep doing that, but I remeber more later on. Like I said, there has been so much going on lately, that I have problems keeping track of it all. Then after i told him all this, I said "Ky, just be sure to still hang out with her. Take her fishing. Make sure she knows she's not alone". Lonelyness sucks. I am one who can say that with experience. I wish so much that she would talk to me, and if possible give me another chance to be a good friend for her.
I have come to the end. I have no more I can think of.
Yesterday, Ky walks into my room and says, "Did you put in your 2 weeks notice?". I said yes. I feel that all the problems (the ones I know of anyway) all started when I started working at Sidtek. I felt at the time that I should not have taken that job, but I needed a job. Bad. So Ky says "Dude, light a cigarette and take 3 big drags". I thought to myself "oh, shit. My worst fears are coming true". I could see it coming. And he said "Agatha doesn't want to even speak with you again". I didn't know what to think or feel. I was flipping back and forth and around with different emotions. I felt enraged "What the hell did I do to deserve that?". I felt depressed "now I have even less to care about in my life". I felt sad "Does this mean I will never get to hear her laugh again?". I felt hurt "Does she have any idea how much pain I feel when I think of never being able to talk with her again?". I felt confused "What did I do to hurt her so badly? Does she hate me, or just not care and feel that she is getting rid of a problem? Did she ever care?". My emotions have settled down some now. Now I just feel hurt and lost and depressed and alone. I know I have Ky. I am certain that he will always be my friend, so long as I don't do anything that hurts him or his family. I believe that if I were causing problems Ky would shove his boot so far up my backside, I would be choking on steel-toe for a month. He and I both know that if one does things to hurt others, the other lets the one know.
And he did tell me. Back when it seemed Agatha was losing control of her life and giving up who she was I was terribly worried about her. She's roughly 40% of my heart, and I was worried she was allowing others to take control of her. The will is the voice of the spirit. To lose the will, is to suffocate the spirit, and it will eventually die. And Agatha wasn't talking to me about the changes in her. But I'm not a complete fool. I know I sometimes misenterpret things, sometimes over react, and sometimes blow things out of proportion. I was worried about Agatha losing her spirit. Losing who she was and who she wanted to be. But I knew I can't trust my own perceptions simply because I care about her so much, and there is a lot about her I don't know or understand.
Enter a personal problem of mine. My family is weird. There is no other word for it. We are very liberal in our speach, and our conversation subjects. I'm still learning to censor what I say or ask, but I think I'm starting to make progress. Part of my problem is when people are offended but don't tell me. I accidentally made both Agatha and her boyfriend James angry with me from my questions. When Agatha told me this, I apologized to James the next day, and promised him I would not talk about anything personal again. I am trying. Truly, I am. Then you have the other problem I get from my up-bringing. In my family, problems don't go away, they just get worse. So it has been my life-long training to deal with problems as quickly as possible so things don't get too bad. Apparently, the rest of the world is not the same way. When I thought Agatha was having problems (which she told me later that she wasn't and that everything was under control *sigh of relief*) I was worried about her, and wanted to help her. Oops. There was no problem for me to help with. So, I think there's a problem, but I don't see anyone trying to fix it. So what do I do? I butt my damned nose in where it doesn't belong. I've spent my whole life trying to help others with their problems, and usually, I'm quite successful. Agatha is a lot more complicated. Ky told me. He told me "Just give her time. Leave her alone. Stay out of it.".
So, I was worried, it seemed to me there were problems, it looked like no one else was trying to do anything about those problems, and no one was giving me any information that would settle my nerves. I was so worried and confused that I lost my appetite, was having problems with my gastritus (prelude to an ulcer), and couldn't ignore what I was seeing. What do you do when you think the roof is caving in? You try to warn everyone inside. I knew my perceptions couldn't be trusted because of how much I care and how ignorant I am in some things. So I asked Ky. I spelled out everything I thought I was seeing about the changes in her, my worries, everything. And then he said said that yes, there is a problem, she may not be in control, and since we care about her, we may have to say or do something about it. That did not settle my nerves any at all.
So I tried to be smart. Again, oops. I figured that the only way we could help Agatha with this "problem" was to find out exactly what the problem was, and what was causing it. Logical, roght? Logic is a tool, not an absolute. Logic can be used to explain why the sky should be plaid. It's not as great as most people think. So I decided to try to find out what was going on. Well, Agatha wasn't talking about it. There goes the best source. Then I tried to talk with James while I was on lunch. That was when I asked questions which offended him, but he's too much of a nice guy to tell me to go to hell, even when I literaly ask for him to do so. Ky doesn't know what's going on, he just knows there's a "problem". So who's left that I know, that knows her? My boss was a possibility, he talks with James all the time, and plays WoW with Agatha and James. Maybe he knows what's going on. Also, I feel that he is a good, smart, moral man. I feel I can trust him. But no matter how much I trust him, I will not drag him into this, or reveal anything that may cause problems. I had already told him that if there were some personal problem with me that got braught into the shop, that I would give my 2 weeks notice. So I tried to be sneaky. I couldn't use any type of psychology on him, because I think he is a friend to Agatha, and I swore to her I would not use any psychology on or with her, or anyone associated with her. My best tools are locked away. I told Agatha that I don't use psychology as a weapon, just a tool to help, but she said she didn't approve of it at all in any form, so I can't. Sidenote: I hadn't realized how true my words were until I tried to manipulate John to make an ass of himself and hopefully lose his job. He is an enemy to Agatha, so I figured that made him fair game. Then I found out that useing psychology to hurt someone is so far against my beliefs that I just couldn't do it. Even to him. End sidenote. Back to the boss. I asked my boss, Agatha's friend, if he had noticed her acting differently lately. He asked "howso?" and I said I was worried because she has seemed to be closed-off recently. He said he had not seen any difference. Tha was on a Monday almost 3 weeks ago. Last Monday, when Agatha, Ky and I were having dinner at KFC, she asked "Why is everyone thinking me and James are going to break up?". Kerwin said he had called her. Nice. I tried to be subtle and just find out what the "problem" was, and just made more of a problem. Me and my big friggin mouth.
But it doesn't end there. On Friday, just over a week ago, something happened that renewed my concern for Agatha. Unfortunately, I don't remeber what it was, there has been way too much going on lately to remeber it all. I'm having problems keeping track of what happened on what day, in which order. So my concern bright and flairing again, but Ky was at work, so I couldn't talk to him. He had warned me not to talk to his Dad, and I in hind-site, I think I should have listened. But I didn't. I was upset from all the worry and couldn't find a way to calm down. So I went and talk to their Dad. No one else was home but him, so I didn't have to worry about prying ears. So I talked with him about my worries and concerns. I told him everything I had been thinking and feeling. He also told me that she was acting differently. Then he told me I need to stop worrying about her, let her go, and take care of myself. I thought that was a rather cold-hearted thing to say, but it is rational. I was not very rational at the time. I told him I had been so happy when I came down here and learned that Agatha had found a man who was so good for her and that gave her the love she needed. Enter fears of Agatha psychology. She has always grown up with her father making her decisions for her and controling her. This will usually lead to a woman growing up to be vulnerable to control from others. And Agatha had told me during a hard time she and James were having that when they got into a fight and she wanted to walk away for awhile to cool down, he said "you walk out that door, don't ever come back". That is the perfect way to force Agatha to stay. And it is an exertion of control that Agatha allowed. Then recently I screwed up again. When the hurricane scare has going on, she told me she James said "I'm taking the trailer to Houston, and you're going with me". Then she told me she WANTED to tell him "Fuck you, I'm staying with my family". But she didn't say it to him, just wanted to. But I missed that part. I thought she actually said it. Then the next day at work, James tells me "We're going to San Angelo during the hurricane". I said "I thought Agatha was staying with her family". Which is true, That is what I thought. He said "She didn't say anything to me about it". Okay, confused me, now. So with her father always trying to control her, her telling me about James forcing her to stay in the trailer instead of going out to cool down, and then this mistake of mine, I was afraid for her. I was afraid that she was losing control. And I told her Father this. Also, in a burst of emotion, I said "If James is taking away her control and crushing her spirit, I'll kill him! I even know a good way to dispose of the body! Put him in a bathtub full of bleach, and after he is liquified, wash him down the drain!". That's how upset I was. Then her Father doesn't make things any better by saying "She made her bed, now it's time for her to sleep in it". But my fear was that she didn't realize what was happeneing. If she knowingly decided to give up control of her life to James, then that is perfectly fine by me. It would be her DECISION to do so. I was afraid that she didn't know. And her Father told me about how she had mentioned to him about James' comments and jokes about inviting another woman to bed with them. He said he told her "And?", and she said "That would be a relationship breaker". Okay, so she is atleast somewhat in control. Okay, I feel better.
Then several days later, I was talking with Agatha on the phone and I told her it looked to us as though she was losing control in her life. She told me "Bullshit! I'm sorry, but I have to call you on that one!". And the sun shines again. After that talk I felt so good I finally got around to cleaning and rearranging my room. Mostly. Then after I think everything I all well and good, I turned on my computer and it auto-logged me into AIM, and I saw Agatha was on AIM. I knew she was at work, but sometimes it's real slow there, and she doesn't have anything to do. So I sent her a "hello". No reply. Ok, I figure she's busy. I hate leaving a hello, and then logging off, so I wait. Half an hour later, I think "If she's busy elsewhere, then it should have told me she has gone idle like it always does". But it didn't. This tells me that she is using the computer, but not answering me. Yes, I'm THAT stupid. It never occured to me that maybe someone ELSE was using that computer, and just didn't shut down AIM. I was thinking she was at work, and it's a work computer, so she is the only one that uses it while she's there. Again, yes, I'm THAT stupid. So I sent an IM saying "Are you busy or mad, and ignoring me?". I had been making her angry with me over the last couple weeks, so it was a possibility. Then she logs off without a word to me. So I sent her an e-mail saying "Were you busy, or just angry and ignoring me?". No sooner than I close Firefox (my webbrowser) then she logs back onto AIM. Now 50 minutes have gone by, and I think I have been pretty patient. I send her another "hello". She says "hi" and I ask her if she's mad at me. She says mildly to moderately. Okay, what did I do this time? She says "did you send John to my trailer to cause drama at lunch time?". She's already angry so I give the simplest straight answer possible. "No, I didn't". She asks "Did you tell John I needed to talk to him?". I reply "No". She says "great". I got the impression that she wasn't sure if she could trust me, and that hurt. The thought that she would accept an accusation from a known enemy over me hurt a lot. She then said "I don't want to talk to you right now". That hurt even more. She didn't say "I don't feel like talking right now", she said "to you". So I said "Okay" and logged off. I haven't been able to speak to her since.
In my first day on WoW, a little while after I saw that James and Agatha had come online, I sent them each a /Tell to let them know my game-name. James and I talked a bit, but Agatha was AFK. And then the next day, I sent her a /tell and it said she was ignoring me. Ouch. I don't know about WoW, but in StarWars Galaxies, you only put enemies on your ignore list. *Knife in chest twists*. I sent her a game mail to ask what I did, I sent her a E-mail asking what I did and explaining everything that I could think of that may have been the reasons. This is day 5. It was on day 4 that Ky told me she didn't ever want to speak to me again.
Did I do some horrible thing that hurt her deeply? Did I say something that made her feel she could not trust me anymore? Does she hate me, or just not care about me anymore? Is it all the little things piling up? what is it? what happened? what did I do or say? I don't know, and she won't talk to me. This could possibly (hopefully) be all just a misunderstanding, but if she won't talk to me, then how can we resolve this? I don't want to lose her. She and Ky are all I have left. I saked Ky after he had told me "Is it normal to feel so hollow?". He said "Yes". I don't want to be a problem to her, but I also don't want to lose her. Ky is a great friend, I couldn't ask for better, but he is always dark and somber. Even his humour is dark. The only times he truly brightens up are when he's around her. I love the sunshine she brings to others. I miss her laugh and her giggle. I miss being able to have nice intellectual conversations with her. I just want to have fun with the people I care about. it used to be so great when Ky, Agatha, James, Jessica, and I would all go out to play pool and hang out. It was fun just to hang out with them all. It seems Jessica has dropped out of the picture, which is a shame, because she seems like such a nice person. But still, James, Agatha, Ky and I were all hanging out, spending no money, just having fun at their trailer. Then their A/C started having problems, and it seems like one thing after another is trying to tear the group apart. I just want everyone to get along and for everyone to be able to have a relaxed good time and enjoy themselves. but now with all the crap that has gone on recently, I am now booted out. And Ky has no motivation to do anything of his own accord. He loves spending time with Agagtha, but never initiates anything. He waits for her to, and she is always afraid of waking him or bothering him because their schedules are so different. I don't want them to lose each other. I have been trying to arrange activities for everyone to do together, but it seems the Fates are against it.
After Ky told me she didn't want to talk to me anymore, I told him everything I could think of that may have been the problem. I keep doing that, but I remeber more later on. Like I said, there has been so much going on lately, that I have problems keeping track of it all. Then after i told him all this, I said "Ky, just be sure to still hang out with her. Take her fishing. Make sure she knows she's not alone". Lonelyness sucks. I am one who can say that with experience. I wish so much that she would talk to me, and if possible give me another chance to be a good friend for her.
I have come to the end. I have no more I can think of.
posted by Rodry Logan at 6:38 AM
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